The Panty Raid
by 1Animechic1
Summary: What happens when the infamous Dave Strider arrives with a bag full of panties?


**I saw a funny picture about this on Tumblr and thought I'd make a fanfic out of it. Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie.**

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In a normal living room on a normal sunny day sat John Egbert, Karkat Vantas, and Sollux Captor, all doing their own thing. It was peaceful, yes, but also quite boring as hell. John and Karkat were wrapped up half assing a video game involving an elf and some kind of pixie while Sollux kept himself busy on his husktop.

"Pft, he's wearing tights." John chuckled under his breath.

"Who gives a fuck what Zelda's wearing..." Karkat replied, in the middle of killing a giant spider.

"..."

"... What?"

"Just don't talk to me, you've just insulted me in so many ways."

"Fuck you faggot."

"Can you too shut the fuck up?" Sollux asked, annoyed.

Suddenly, the door opened, and in walked that epic son of a bitch Dave Strider with a red backpack on his shoulders. "Hey losers, guess who just went on a PANTY RAID?" Catching their attention, the other boys turned to him with skeptical looks, "No way.." "BULLSHIT." "That's totally a lie." They said in unison.

They silenced themslves when the blonde smirked at them in a way that made even the Cancer shiver.

"I dare you to say that to..." With a swift move, Dave ripped an item out of his backpack and held it up for the three boys to see, "TEREZI'S_ PANTIES_." He said, pointing to the red and green intimates.

Before anyone could comment, however, the tighty whities were quickly snatched out of the younger Strider's hands by Karkat, who yelled angrily, "THIS DOESN'T FUCKING BELONG TO YOU."

Dave replied shortly, "THEY DON'T FUCKING BELONG TO YOU, EITHER."

And without a second thought Karkat shoved the underwear into his mouth in a fucked up act of defiance.

The two stared at eachother for a second.

"Holy shit." Dave muttered.

"Oh man, these are Aradia's panties! I'm so totally putting these on..." Everyone turned to see Sollux holding up a pair of Minecraft undies.

"Why!?" John screeched.

"I don't fuckin' know, they're panties man." Sollux answered as he unzipped his jeans. John, deciding not to interfere any longer, reached into the bag and grabbed a pair of Jade's panties.

"Jade wrote her name in her underwear..." He said in awe, staring at the delicates. "And there's little pawprints on them..._ that's so cute_. And they smell kinda nice too."

"WHY ARE YOU FUCKERS SO CREEPY!?" Dave screamed. "The point of a panty raid is to just revel in your glorious loot, not to-!"

His useless rant came to a halt as the sight of the three boys in nothing but panties was forever burned into his frontal lobe for all eternity.

"Here dude pretty sure these are Rose's." John held a purple pair of panties out to Dave, who took them reluctantly.

"... She named it Belgarath." He said, reading the name printed on the tag.

"I know..." John said.

However Dave just kind figured what the fuck and soon they just continued their day wearing the feminine undergarments like it was no one's fucking business.

But then it seemed like fate was not on their side as Terezi strolled in some time later.

"Sup."

Startled, the four boys jumped at her voice, now filled with panic.

"It's okay guys she's blind." Dave whispered.

"... It smells really good in here." She said, walking in.

They stayed silent as Terezi began sniffing through the room, walking closer and closer to Karkat who was napping on the floor.

Before anyone could stop her the handicapped girl tackled the now wide awake Karkat excitedly, "KARKAT YOUR PANTIES SMELL SO GREAT." She yelled as Karkat tried to get away, screaming his ass off. It wasn't a very pretty sight to behold.

"LET ME FEEL THEM."

"OH MY GOD."

"WAIT THESE ARE MINE AREN'T THEY."

"AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHH."

"WE CAN SHARE PANTIES."

"NOOOOOOOO FUCK MY LIFE."

"SO SOFT."

"SOMEONE KILL ME NOW."

The three terrified men watched their friend squirm under the hyper active female. Dave muttered enviously, "Lucky bastard."

Okay, alright, they may have had a little mishap, but that's fine, everything's going to be fi-

"What's with all the screaming in here?"

Fuck everything.

With timing as terrible as your mom's face in walked three females by the names of Rose, Jade, and Aradia.

Jade it seemed was the first person to notice something amiss when she finally screamed mercilessly into John's sobbing face, "JOHN IS THAT MY UNDERWEAR!?"

"AUGH."

"HOLY FUCKING- I'M GONNA KILL YOU."

"NO DON'T KILL ME NO-"

"SOLLUX GROSS WHAT THE FUCK."

"AAACK I CAN EXPLAIN A.A."

"KARKAT LET ME TOUCH THE BUTT."

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

In the midst of this commotion, Dave sat frozen with fear as Rose stared at him.

"WHY, WHY JOHN."

"TAKE THEM BACK I'M SORRY."

"THESE ARE MY MINECRAFT PANTIES YOU PIECE OF SHIT."

"I PROMISE I WON'T DO IT AGAIN OH MY GOD."

"I WANT TO TOUCH THE BUTT."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH."

Dave felt sweat drip down his forehead as Rose suddenly grinned at him with the creepiest fucking expression that could make any dude shit themselves.

"JOHN THIS IS THE WRONG COMIC FOR THAT."

"NONONONONONONOAUGHBH."

"GRAAAAHHH."

"STOP HITTING ME AU AUGH."

"I'M TOUCHING THE BUTT."

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH MEEEEAAAAAAGGGGHHHH."

Rose's grin widened.

"LET'S GO BACK THREE YEARS."

"JADE GOD DAMMIT NO."

"I'M GONNA RIP YOUR SECOND DICK OFF."

"OH GOD KILL ME NOW."

"YOUR BUTT IS SO DELICIOUS."

"_PLEASE OH GOD.__"_

Dave held his breath as Rose finally spoke, "You've taken a liking to Belgarath."

"AAAAH."

"AAAAAAAH."

"HEEEEELP."

"AAAUGGGHH."

"NOOOO STOP."

"I'M TAKING THESE BACK."

"HELP OH MY LORD AUGGHH."

Scared shitless, the only thing the helpless blonde could mutter in response was;

_"I'm so fucking sorry."_

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**Wow that was short and very very badly written but lol there you go. Reviews are loved.**_  
_


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